Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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