Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
