omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
