Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
And then my night got REAL pukey
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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