I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
