Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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