Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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