It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
