it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
