I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize