Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
