I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
