I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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