You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
