If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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