bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
