just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just pee around me
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
