I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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