I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
