Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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