i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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