who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
