I just threw up on my dentist
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
