Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
