I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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