Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
