You really coming over, don't trick.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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