Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Randomize
