Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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