i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
