So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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