I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
