Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
