DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
