she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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