Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
