this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
