She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
