You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
So many bounce houses so little time
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
