Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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