I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize