We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Let's paint friendship bongs
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
