she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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