i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My penis needs a shock collar
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
