I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
