i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
