Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
