I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
