Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
