I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
