and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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