dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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