I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
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