sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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