'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
