Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize