There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
