He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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