New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I could fuck to npr.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
