that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize