After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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