I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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