Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
