Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
