Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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