Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
How naked do you want me to be?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize