Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
