out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
