Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
