i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
