Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
