Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
