Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
