The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
