i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
