OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
this just has baby written all over it
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
