Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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