I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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