Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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